The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize