He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
