Your mouth is God's brothel.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
