I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
