there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
