My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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