it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
