just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
its not stalking. its research.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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