i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
