Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
