U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
She is in my trunk
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
