Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
