tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
