She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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