I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
