I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Swine flu is the new snow day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You pole danced in your parka.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
