My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
