Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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