I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
