Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize