I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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