You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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