i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
