Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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