wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
