The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
