hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
