you lied. pity sex is amazing.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
