Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
