is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
