For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
