fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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