Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
