i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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