Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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