Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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