You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
