Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
