I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
