The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
