I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
