Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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