She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize