It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
