$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
