I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He felt like a one man threesome
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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