you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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