i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
