My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
