My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize