Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
