this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
