Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
