my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
