Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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