thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
