I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The best revenge is premature balding
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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