i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize