hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
