There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
