dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
