At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
