So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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