During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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