she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
