One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
