how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
