I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
How external is "for external use only"?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
