They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
