Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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