I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
