He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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