Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
