Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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