I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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