Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
