"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
