Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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