I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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