I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize