So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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