Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
