3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
