She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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