my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
