I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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