you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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