Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
