Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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