i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
