so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
