Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize