I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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