In the future we'll all be gay
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
