Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
