OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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