Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
did i just pee glitter
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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