Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
