Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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