So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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