So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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