I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
