he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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