Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
