Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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