the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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