Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
